two announcements!

Sorry for the lack of updates dear friends. Everything is well and good here. You know, life just gets in the way sometimes.

I don't have much personally to write about at this time, but I do have a couple of important announcements to make.

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First of all, dear friend Dave Levingston has 4 wonderful 2011 calendars for sale. One of them is a calendar of our travels this past summer to my most beloved location in the world - the North Shore of Minnesota. They come in two available sizes, and make great gifts for you and your artistically-minded friends and family.



Here is his link to all of his calendars.

And here are the two links to both of my calendars. the large calendar, and the smaller calendar.

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The second announcement is that some of self-portraits are once again included in a collaborative book project.



The third volume of the f-eleven series of photo books was published yesterday.

Information to order can be found by clicking here, and a full preview of the book can be seen here.

20 percent discount offer:

USD $ coupon code: PROMO
GBP £ coupon code: PROMO1
EUR € coupon code: PROMO2
CAD $ coupon code: PROMO3
AUD $ coupon code: PROMO4

100% of the profits of this book go to The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction.


Over 190 images (including fine art nude images )
15 photographers
160 pages (premium lustre paper)
8" x 10" (landscape style)

Designed & Edited by WOLF189

featuring:

Brooks Ayola (nude portraits)
Ralph Barker ( fine art landscape + still life )
Matthew Cherry ( fine art )
Sita Mae Edwards ( fine art nude )
April-lea Hutchinson ( nude portraits )
Leo Lam ( editorial fashion )
Dave Levingston ( fine art nude )
Clay Lipsky ( portraits )
Frank Love ( street / documentary work )
Brooke Lynne ( fine art nude )
Ken Mierzwa ( fine art nude)
Trish Noble ( portraits )
Dave Rudin ( fine art nude )
Ward Shortridge ( portraits )
Wolf189 ( editorial fashion + erotic portraits )

f-eleven is a private photography group. Visit us at:

f - eleven books: [link]
f - eleven books blog: [link]
f-eleven facebook: [link]

Off I go...

Tomorrow morning I skip town for a week and a half!

Toooooo excited. I need this, for many reasons.

The great thing about my job is that, not only is it my job, but its my passion, and I am so lucky that the people I work for are almost always the most awesome people on the planet. It's work AND play. I am blessed.

Not only that, but on this trip I'll be meeting and working with two models who's work I've respected for a long time. AWEsome.


I'll blog on the trip, for sure... how often, I do not know.



But I'll leave you with a self-portrait.


Until next time, dear readers, take care.

life is hard... let's control it.

Perception is everything. You've heard that here before, and perhaps from several other sources. It is truth, sometimes a very hard-to-swallow truth.

Perhaps that's one of the reasons why I like photography so much. Photography has EVERYTHING to do with perception, and visa-versa. Perhaps I've said that before too.


I'm starting to get ready for my upcoming travels to the East and to the U.P. of Michigan, and starting to plan for travels in the late fall and winter. As I'm in the midst of mentally preparing myself, because its been many months since I've traveled, I've been noticing a little bit of trepidation. I've been very conscious of this, trying to figure out where it's coming from. I love flying, I love meeting new friends, I love going to parts of the country I've never been before, and of course, I love creating art. Clearly, the positives vastly outweigh the negatives. But I'm prone to worry. My first subconscious instinct is to find things that could go wrong - possibly to mentally prepare myself for problems, for failure. Even when every detail of logistics is figured out, there is always room for unexpected changes that are out of my control. And I think that's the real issue. Not being in control.

Control has so many veils of security. "If I am in control of this, or that, I will feel and be safe." It alleviates a sense of helplessness. And helplessness can be scary. The only thing you can ever control is your emotions and reactions to situations, everything else outside of yourself is out of your control. Period. Now, sometimes you can manipulate situations or people to get what you want... and I believe that's what fuels this obsession. Because sometimes it works! And if you're particularly talented at those skills and/or in a position of high authority, they might work a lot. But in the long run, especially if you're pushing for the wrong reasons, they will be detrimental.

I prefer trust. Trust that everything will work out okay. Because it always does. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't believe anyone should just sit back and do nothing to change a situation, especially if it's harmful to you. I'm talking about when you come to a wall that you can neither go around or knock down. The serenity prayer comes in handy here.


I'm in the middle of a particularly hard personal situation with a loved one. I desperately want to control it, to change it, to get the unwanted factor(s) out of their life and my life. And the first few days, hell, the first few weeks were horribly hard. Half the time, I was (both unconsciously and consciously) pulling out all my childish tactics to make it go away. The other half, I was purposely denying the issue / lying to myself, pretending that it wasn't even in existence or that it would go away. Then, when I couldn't lie to myself anymore, and I was tired of being a baby, I got on my pedestal spouting the morals of societal homogonies and ethics of popular opinions and methodologies. Woe is me! You're hurting me! You're making me feel this way with your actions/choices! For a very short time, I even tried to get a third party on the bandwagon (who was already on, but I thought "strength in numbers.") Then... hypocrisy slapped me hard in the face. And the realization that, although this is so very hard, if I learn to accept it I will have a much easier time continuing the very important relationship than if I resist it. So I've been accessing all the resources I can to understand it. And, low and behold, I have much more peace with it. I'm still not happy about it, by any means, but I am coming to terms with it. And all I can do is take a leap of faith, and trust that these unwanted factors will not harm the relationship I have with my loved one.

It's a huge leap of faith, and it is possible that I wont make it to the other side, but I'm proud that I have the courage to jump... instead of cowering in fear, sadness and anger.






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Self-portrait. In-camera double exposure.

Photography: Natural vs Reality

Dave Levingston recently was expressing his position based off of critical comments/questions by his friend Morgan. Her main concern (in a nutshell) seems to be why aren't photographers asking models to pose in "natural" ways.

"This is about calling bullshit when I see it and it’s bullshit to say that someone is celebrating the beauty of the natural female form when there isn’t anything natural in the ways they pose or photoshop their models."

Okay, first of all, what constitutes "natural?" Here, I have a link to the definitions of "natural." None of those definitions seem to really fit what Morgan is aiming at, instead I think they cater to more of how Dave defines it. Dave asks his models to either mimic or contradict the lines or patterns of nature in the scene as he sees it. If models were asked to be photographed, posing like one would stand waiting for the bus, or lounging like they're watching tv, there would be nothing inspiring to photograph - in most cases. And that's not the definition of natural, that's just sedentary. Any way a person poses is natural, because the pose is emanating from themselves. They are not attaching anything artificial, or man-made, to their bodies, or doing something impossible that a human being cannot possibly do. That would be unnatural.

And my favorite type of photographic art is one that tries to imitate the impossible. But that's just me.

But I personally don't believe this is really the case at hand - I think it's mostly an excuse. I think Morgan is just pissed off at society at large for the way women have been perpetuated in the media and blaming it on how it has influenced their representation in artistic mediums. Specifically (obviously) photography. But every era in time has their own idealistic version of women - how they are considered attractive and sexually appealing. In this day in age, even I wouldn't fit that description. Yes, I am trim, but I don't have big breasts. I am not tall. I don't have that exaggerated hourglass figure. But I absolutely love the way I am, and I am thankful that I am lacking those physical attributes because I personally strive to participate in nude art that tries to separate beauty from sexuality. Of course, those two can't be totally separated, I realize, but I focus my energy in collaborating in art that does not excite sexual arousal. I am most excited by art that represents the innocence of the nude form; that we come from nature and we are all born naked, the amazing geometry and forms that the human body can take, and the unconventional beauty of "unnatural" posing.

I think people have this notion stuck in their minds that photography should depict realness. I think when people see a photograph, there's a part of their mind that views it as purely journalistic. But photography, when used for a tool in art, shows the artist's reality - and that's it. And their reality doesn't have to be real. That's the most absolutely wonderful thing about art. Art represents a continuum between fantasy and truth. Wherever the artist decides to stop on that continuum is their prerogative.

I think photography is involved in so much controversy because it most often does show truth in the scene. It's a snapshot in time, it captures the moment. No other medium has these claims that it distorts reality, because all the other mediums do that automatically.

I guess it boils down to, if you want to see "natural" photographs of people you'll have more luck looking in the newspaper (yes, they still exist - for now). Whatever you do, don't look at art.



On that note, here's an "unnatural" pose self-portrait.

Am I ?

self-portrait.

My first night in Palm Springs, CA. Around 2am.



It's not made of much, then again, neither am I. Neither are you.

I mean, if you think about it, we are primarily made up of empty space. Nothingness.

And really, that's not so bad. Actually it's not anything.

Nothing can't be bad. Nothing can't be good.

It just is.

And I am.



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I have a short passage I want to share with you.

It is from the book, "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran.
I highly recommend it.


"And a man said, Speak to us of Self-Knowledge.
And he answered, saying:
Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.

And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless."

f-eleven book

f - eleven : a very diverse and fascinating photography book dedicated to a worthy cause.

cover photo by Dave Rudin

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f-11 or f-eleven is a private photography group.
f - eleven books: http://f-elevenbooks.com/

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This is a rather fascinating collection of photographs made by a group of unique and talented photographers.

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All of the profits of the book sales would be donated to "Friends Without a Border" charity.

to order the book:

http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1109957

the full preview:

http://www.blurb.com/books/1109957

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The promo codes to buy the book with $10.00 off (till the end of December 31)

the promo code must match currency used.

Orders from the US (using US $): GREATGIFT
Orders from UK (using UK £): GREATGIFT2
Orders from EU (using EU €): GREATGIFT3
Orders from AU (using AUD $): GREATGIFT4

Over 260 images
20 photographers
160 pages (premium paper)
8" x 10" (landscape style)

Designed & Edited by WOLF189

featuring the following photographers:

Brooks Ayola ( Polaroid nude portraits )
Ralph Barker ( fine art landscape + still life )
Kincaid Blackwood ( erotic portraits )
Mariah Carle ( fashion + portrait )
Matthew Cherry ( fine art night photography )
Nicole Jaja ( travel + candid portraits )
Leo Lam ( editorial fashion )
Dave Levingston ( fine art nude in nature )
Brooke Lynne ( experimental nude )
Darryl Martin ( fine art thematic portraits )
Ken Mierzwa ( documentary punk rock portraits )
D. Brian Nelson ( personal work )
Trish Noble ( erotic portraits )
Keith Allen Phillips ( fine art fetish portraits )
Collin J. Rae ( fetish + erotic portraits )
Sarah Robertson ( personal work )
Dave Rudin ( fine art nude + travel )
Susan Michele Smith ( fetish+erotic portraits )
Kim Melia von Seidl ( candid portraits+erotic portraits )
Wolf189 ( editorial fashion + erotic portraits )

Also appearing or indirectly participating in the book:

Siouxsie Sioux ( Siouxsie & the Banshees),
Nick Cave ( The Birthday Party, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds ),
Peter Murphy (Bauhaus),
Daniel Ash (Bauhaus),
Henry Rollins (Black Flag) ,
DJ Scary Lady Sarah,
Aria Giovanni , Celeste Star,
Eric Kroll, Sez G.,
Darya Tsaruk @ ModelOne ,
Yuliya @ Elite Hong Kong,
Jemme @ FORD Models,
Brittany Vipond, Scar, Sarah Ellis,
Marell Kull, Fiona Jacob, Tiana Piranha,
Carly Champagne, Kat Love, Leona Anne ,
Acid PopTart, Roseann Kuberski, Becca Hope Ford,
Noelle Elise, Kelsey Dylan , Virginia Red,
Susan Church, Peter Camarena, Engel Schrei,
Mikki, Erin N., Renée, Krystal,
Belky, Lindy, Crash, Ken Doo,
Buddha Ayuttaya, Kess, _G_ , Hessica,
Rachel, Chrystyne,

Few of the Locations:
Tokyo Japan, Nikko Japan, Nara Japan, Luang Namtha Laos, Samye Monastery, Tibet, Thailand, Hoover Dam, Colorado, Las Vegas, Palms Hotel, Nevada, Manhattan Beach, Santa Cruz, California

* "Friends Without A Border" is committed to improving the health and well being of the children of Cambodia by providing quality medical care, extensive outreach and crucial medical education through Angkor Hospital for Children.
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Cheers

a few more

Holidays are right around the corner. And I'm a procrastinator and still need to do my shopping.

...there's plenty of time.

Broken

Which one do you think is the strongest? why?

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A lot of things to do tomorrow, including a life drawing session in the evening. I just hope I don't encounter a white wall of death, as we're supposed to get anywhere from 3-8 inches of snow in the afternoon and evening.

I expect a lot of idiot drivers tomorrow. The snow flies and Minnesotans forget how to drive. Saying it's annoying would be a bit of an understatement.

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Camera: Lubitel 166
Film: Delta 100
Developer: Ilfosol 3

f5.6 - 1/15 second

inspired

God damn it. If you haven't seen this "movie" yet (if you constitute 45 minutes long enough to be a movie) you're missing out. Its better every time I see it.


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self-portraits. / pretty obvious, since they're all out of focus. *shrug*


Camera: Lubitel 166 (when, oh when, will my Holga arrive?)
Film: TMax 100
Developer: TMax (last of the lot. Trying a new developer tomorrow.)

Falling behind!

I have so much to do, so many people to reply to...

Less is more.

state of being

Click to see full size.

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Lubitel 166 Universal
Tmax 100
Tmax

1) f18 ~35 sec
2) f4.5 ~1 sec

Developing! Part II

So...the scanner works... sort of.

I spent over 3 hours figuring out all the bullshit (pardon my french... but, well, I am french. Anyway, I digress) including finding the semi-secret covering over the top light source (hopefully you know what I'm talking about. It's he light source that allows for transparent negatives to be scanned correctly, instead of the light source from the bottom that scans reflective surfaces).

So I get that figured out, but now I need to find the film holder that comes with the scanner. Okay... so I spend 10 minutes looking for that - found it - and guess what? The two squares reserved for, what I can only imagine to be, 120 film is about 2 cm short on all sides. And of course, this is a huge deal - I dont want a third of my film not recorded... not funny. So I end up having to place in manually... not a big deal... except for when I scan it, the width in which it scans is also 2 cm short and, for the life of me, I cannot figure out how to change the settings so that it will scan more area.

So I improvise. But the only solution I can come up with is very time consuming. Oh well, it's a little more invested effort. Not a biggie. It just requires scanning each negative twice and then combining the two in photoshop to include both ends.

There are three computers in this house that I use. The main one is this laptop on which I'm writing. It is a great companion, even after 5 years with a bum fan. Then there's my grandma's desktop that's mind-numbingly slow, but the only computer that has the drivers and software installed for the scanner. And then there's my desktop Mac in my room where I have a copy of photoshop, but no access to internet.

It's been a bit of a run-around today, but man... I'm only slightly (very, very slightly) annoyed compared to the joy of being able to see my film bigger than 6X6 cm and, of course, in negative form.

There will maybe be a couple more to come in the next couple of days.

15 seconds at f4.5

And one of my double exposure experiments:

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Camera: Lubitel 166 Universal
Film: TMax 100.
Developer: TMax

TMax was my choice of developer this first go-around because it was in a convenient size, inexpensive, and frankly the NatCam store I went to didn't have many other options that were in my price range (at the moment).

Dimentions of Disclosure

I dont know if I had mentioned this before but, my self-portraiture work is featured in a book called "Dimensions of Disclosure." I'd figure I'd mention it since I just bought it this past week and am awaiting its arrival.





It's a nice feeling, knowing your work is in print. A ...fuzzy, warm sort of feeling.





I have no idea what the print quality is but I will report back once I receive it.



It was for this image:














Time to go hit the sack.

exploration

I've been trying to digest some of the 2257 new law. Would figure drawings, paintings and digital manipulations fall under this rule?

Looks like I'm going to have to practice my boring stone face, and be more careful of what I create and post, even in my own self photography. Even though most of my work is relatively safe.

So, I'm pretty sure the last image is safe under the new rule, but is the top image?




I'm going to be entering a self-portrait call for art next week, and it requires 3 photos to be submitted. I'm trying to choose. I might be going in the studio again this weekend for some more fun and creativity.



I miss Erin. I wish she could come in the studio with me.

i got bit by the creative bug!

self-shot in the studio and self-edited this past weekend.


still learning and refining my eye. some work left to be done. all constructive criticism is appreciated.

Presence

Walk along these weary leaves with wisdom in where your internal compass directs you. You know not of where you're going, but from the experience of where you've been, you don't worry. Light flows and weaves in every which way, casting shadows off the obstacles you must dodge. They are dim, but lure you. You wonder of the explanation for why something so dark can be so appealing. We are children in the world of the unknown. We draw towards that which fascinates us. The fascination, however, should be towards the distance, not the darkness. Head fast towards that which is bright. There is no time which need be wasted in the unsubstantial weakness of the mind, of the shadows. Be open to the environment that surrounds you, for only a closed mind is dark. Only ignorance is dim. Reach out to the motions and the knowledge that swirl around you and embrace them in your pace towards the distance. Looking to the past is yet another dismal approach to the stride you lead. You only fall when you do not observe where you are walking. The colors that flow around you is another sign that everything will come for a reason. Only when your past dissolves to the presence of the future must you be alert. However, you will know when and if that happens. For you are not in control of anything but yourself. You are in control of how you are handled and how you handle. Know that. Be wise in your journey to the never-ending distance.





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Self-portraits and prose.