That the upcoming posts for the next month or so will probably be quite depressing.
So, if you dont want to be brought down... just look at the photos.
But this is my blog, dammit, and I choose to share my personal tragedies and blessings as well as my art.
My grandpa, age 73, has chosen to go home (from the hospital) and die. Without his dialysis, he will fill up with fluid and his organs will fail. He, and my grandmother, have raised me since I was 6 months old. He is the closest thing to a father that I have.
Everyone will die, yes... I know, I know. And I dont want my Papa to suffer...
But how can I possibly wrap my head around this so that it's okay?
I feel paralyzed. I haven't slept well for days. I should have gone today, but can't seem to force myself to go to class. Creating art hasn't distracted me for more than 15 minutes at a time, and I can't put my heart into it.
I will see him later today, still in the hospital. I want to be strong, but then again, I just want to break down, throw my arms around him and beg him to keep trying. Change your mind, Papa. Don't give up, Papa. Please, please don't give up... I need you to stay alive.
But goddamn it, how selfish is that?
I feel tangled up and all alone.
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Sylvie Blum. From our second shoot.
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